Conversations that Connect

Conversations that Connect 

by Colette Carlson

Conversing naturally is key to your success in the business world. Knowing when to initiate a conversation, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending a conversation with kindness is an art. Create connections by following these seven steps:

Step 1: Exude confidence. When you're comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable. If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others. Remember: Enthusiasm is infectious.

Step 2: Show up with something to say. Always be on the lookout for material. Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together: a party, association meeting or business affair. Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.

Step 3: Begin with a question. Besides showing interest in someone, one simple question can start an entire conversation. Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd. Rather than, "What do you do?" ask, "How do you enjoy spending your weekends?"

Step 4: Find common ground. The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest. Don't shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business. They often create the perfect connection.

Step 5: Focus on others. Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist. Englishman Raymond Mortimer once described the art of conversation in the United States as "not tennis, in which you return the other fellow's serve, but gold, in which you go on hitting your own ball." Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.

Step 6: Be inclusive. Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer. Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.

Step 7: Close a conversation with class. When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, "It's been my pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon." Before leaving, be certain to thank the hosts.

Tips and Hints about Effective Self-Talk

As one of the facilitators of Communication in Haggai Institute Malaysia, I have often emphasized upon the importance of 'self-talk'. This exercise is extremely crucial if we want to have a clear picture of what we want to do, where we want to go and how we are to achieve that. Here are some tips and hints written by my friend, Denis Waitley, that I found to be very helpful to anyone on the journey of becoming the person whom God wants you to be. Remember: Nothing happens outside you until it happens inside you. God bless!
 Pastor Albert Kang




We're all talking to ourselves every moment of our lives, except during certain portions of our sleeping cycle. We're seldom even aware that we're doing it. We all have a running commentary in our heads on events and our reactions to them. Here are some tips to remember:


• Be aware of the silent conversations you have with yourself. Are you a nurturing coach or a critic? Do you reinforce your own success or negate it? Are you comfortable saying to yourself, "That's more like it." "Now we're in the groove." "Things are working out well." "I'll do it better next time."


• When you fail, view it as a temporary inconvenience, a learning experience, an isolated event, and a stepping stone instead of a stumbling block.


• When you have even a small success, reinforce that success by rewarding yourself and feeling pride, rather than feeling lucky or guilty for the attention.


• When you receive a compliment for any reason, simply respond: "Thank you." And accept value graciously whenever it is offered.


• Always greet the people you meet with a smile. When introducing yourself in any new association, take the initiative to volunteer your own name first, clearly; and always extend your hand first, looking the person in the eyes when you speak.


• In your telephone communications at work or at home, answer the telephone pleasantly, immediately giving your name to the caller. And when you call, give your name before you ask for the party you want and before you state your business. Leading with your name underscores that a person of value is making the call.


• Don't brag. People who trumpet their exploits and shout for service are actually calling for help. The showoffs, braggarts and blowhards are desperate for attention.


• Don't tell your problems to people, unless they're directly involved with the solutions. And don't make excuses. Always talk affirmatively about the progress you are trying to make.


Apply these tips and keep the running commentary in your head on a positive note!


—Denis Waitley