Conversations that Connect

Conversations that Connect 

by Colette Carlson

Conversing naturally is key to your success in the business world. Knowing when to initiate a conversation, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending a conversation with kindness is an art. Create connections by following these seven steps:

Step 1: Exude confidence. When you're comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable. If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others. Remember: Enthusiasm is infectious.

Step 2: Show up with something to say. Always be on the lookout for material. Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together: a party, association meeting or business affair. Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.

Step 3: Begin with a question. Besides showing interest in someone, one simple question can start an entire conversation. Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd. Rather than, "What do you do?" ask, "How do you enjoy spending your weekends?"

Step 4: Find common ground. The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest. Don't shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business. They often create the perfect connection.

Step 5: Focus on others. Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist. Englishman Raymond Mortimer once described the art of conversation in the United States as "not tennis, in which you return the other fellow's serve, but gold, in which you go on hitting your own ball." Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.

Step 6: Be inclusive. Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer. Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.

Step 7: Close a conversation with class. When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, "It's been my pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon." Before leaving, be certain to thank the hosts.

GETTING OFF YOUR NAIL

One day a man was walking down the street on his way to work. As he walked down the street, there were dogs on just about every front porch and they all would bark as the man walked passed them. However, there was one dog that he remembered, because this dog was just sitting there and he was whimpering and whining and moaning, you know the little whimpering sounds dogs make when they are wounded or in some sort of pain. Well, this particular dog was just sitting there on the front porch making those sounds.

The man was curious as to why this dog wasn 't barking like the other dogs and why he was whimpering. He couldn't figure it out, so he just kept walking to work. The next day he was in the same situation where he was walking down the street and saw the dogs once again and this same dog that was moaning and groaning the other day was doing the same thing today and he just couldn't figure it out. Well, he walked passed for an entire week and every day the dog would be there moaning and groaning. So, finally, the guy got fed up, he said, "Let me find out what's going on." So he went and knocked on the door and a guy came out and said, "Yes, how may I help you?"

He said, "Sir, is this your dog? "

"Yes, that's my dog. "

"Well, what's wrong with him?"

The owner of the dog said, "What do you mean?"

"Well, he's been sitting here moaning and groaning, whimpering and whining for an entire week. The rest of the dogs are barking, your dog should be barking too, why is he moaning and groaning?"

The owner said, "Well, he's actually sitting on a nail." And the guy said, "What! Your dog is sitting on a nail. Why doesn't he get off?"

"Well, it just doesn't hurt him enough."

Story by Les Brown
----------------------------

Some churches are like this dog. They do not like the situation that they are now in but since it doesn't hurt them enough, they choose to remain in that situation. 

They want to win souls and grow spiritually but they are afraid to get off their nail. 

What they are doing now in the church is very comfortable. Even though the congregation is small, they are able to pay their bills and have enough to pay their some programs and activities. 

They are so afraid of doing something different and actually get very upset if someone tells them to do so. For the next 20 or 30 years, they will sit on that nail until grave claims all of them.

A sad story but thousands of churches around the world are sitting on their nail.

Are you and your church sitting on the nail?

The Five-Finger Prayer

The Five-Finger Prayer

1. Thumb (people who are close to you)
Your thumb is nearest to you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C.S. Lewis once said, a "sweet duty".



2. Pointer (people who point the way) 
The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.



3. Tall Finger (people in authority)
The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.



4. Ring Finger (people who are weak) 
The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger; as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.




5. Little Finger (your own needs)
And lastly comes our little finger; the smallest finger of all. Which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "the least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinky should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

Use your daily routine of life to reinforce your prayer life:

When you first wake up - Praise your Creator

When you shower or bathe - Ask for cleansing of your soul; confess, repent and receive forgiveness

When you eat - Give thanks not only for the food, but for your family, home, life, etc.

When you go to work or school - Pray for those with whom you come into contact

Where to Pray...

Jesus tells us where to pray in Matthew 6:6: "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

How to Pray...

In Matthew 6:9-15 Jesus tells us how to pray when He gives us the pattern for prayer in what is now referred to as the Lord's prayer.

"This, then, is how you should pray: "'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

The Arrow Principle - 2nd Edition

The Arrow Principle - 2nd edition

Have you ever felt that no matter how hard you try, your church or organization just cannot grow? Maybe it’s time you apply the Arrow Principle: find the right people and build a competent team.

The Arrow Principle first appeared in 1987 as a one-page delineation in my Church Growth Manual. Since then many people, both from the churches and secular organizations, have heard me shared the Arrow Principle. However, it was not until 2007, while ministering in the Philippines that I was inspired to elaborate upon these principles and put them in book form. This year, the second edition is published and will soon be in the bookstores.
 
Ministers from both the Evangelical mainline churches and the Charismatic/Pentecostal churches had asked for more materials and details on how these principles may be effectively applied to their ministries. That triggered a writing project that took one and half year.

This book is obviously not a scholarly or theological monograph. I have written it with the purpose of serving as a practical guide for contemporary church management and growth. 

In future postings, I will share with you more about the principle that helps so many pastors to organize their churches for greater growth. 


God bless,
Rev Albert Kang

Causation vs. Correlation

 

Causation vs. Correlation 

 

You visit a church that has become known for its rapid growth.  You take down a number of observations, seeking the “key” to its “success.”

 

You note that the pastor is young, dynamic, and hip.  The music is loud and edgy.  It is situated in an affluent area of the city.  They “market” their “brand” unblushingly.

 

The temptation would be to do the following:  take note of the music, the sermon topics, the communication style, the outreach strategy, the type of facility it rents or has built, and deem yourself informed about what makes that particular church “work.”  Throw in a few designer tees and skinny jeans, and you think you’ve got this one covered.

 

There would be so much wrong with this it’s hard to even know where to begin.  First, it’s one of the poorest ways to study church growth.  Second, it assumes that whatever works in one situation will work in a different context under a different leader.  Third, it mistakes cosmetic issues – the kind gathered from a site visit – the most substantive ones to note.

 

But most of all, it runs the very high risk of confusing causation with correlation.

 

Seth Godin gives the example of noticing how, in most cities, every time you observe that lots of umbrellas are out and open, it's raining.  From this analysis, the obvious way to make it rain is to be sure that everyone has an umbrella, preferably a black one, since that seems to be the kind that's most visible during big storms.

 

But that would be confusing causation with correlation.  There is a correlation between umbrellas and rain, but not causation.  The umbrellas have nothing to do with whether or not it rains.

 

Let’s return to our church visit.

 

What if the deeper reality is that the church was actually the beneficiary of unprecedented transfer growth due to several large churches in its proximity going through some kind of split or internal dissension at the same time, and they just gathered the disaffected?  What if one church alone sent over 1,000 people its way, and another nearly 2,500?  And further, the high baptism rate was not true conversion growth, but Presbyterians getting dunked by Baptists, or rebaptisms for rededications?

 

Suddenly what might deserve to be studied is how to position a church for transfer growth, largely through the disgruntled and the disaffected, and to see the maximum value of that church’s education more in the realm of assimilation than outreach.

 

Countless other examples could be offered of fast-growing churches that beg to be examined for music or teaching or style or innovation, but in truth:

 

...the church reached out to Christian high school students, and then the parents followed in fear of becoming spiritually separated from their child (but in truth, didn’t really like the church at all).

 

…the church was planted in a small town, rural area with a large population base built by many nearby small towns.  They became the transfer growth magnet due to being the only contemporary church in the region, almost its only “entertainment.”

 

…the church has such a flaming evangelist for a pastor that the church would grow regardless of the style of worship or strategy.

 

…the church is benefiting from the fastest-growing edge of town and interstate access.

 

I know all of this is crass, and plays into some of the worst (read “secular”) reflections on church growth.  My apologies.  But the point is that whenever we study any model of church life, health or growth, or get ready to anoint the “next, next thing,” we must dig deep to make sure we are determining causes, and not just correlations.

 

Most of the time, the umbrella has nothing to do with the rain.

 

James Emery White

 

 

Sources

 

Seth Godin, “Getting confused about causation and correlation.” Read online.

 

 

Editor’s Note

 

James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, NC, and the ranked adjunctive professor of theology and culture at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, which he also served as their fourth president.  His latest book is What They Didn’t Teach You in Seminary (Baker).  To enjoy a free subscription to the Church and Culture blog, log-on to www.churchandculture.org, where you can post your comments on this blog, view past blogs in our archive and read the latest church and culture news from around the world.  Follow Dr. White on twitter @JamesEmeryWhite.

Danger of Broken Focus

The way for a pastor to have a mediocre ministry and a non-growing church is to have a broken focus. 

The key of concentration is to stay focused on the primary goal that God has given you to do. 

The devil can destroy that primary goal by recommending many other non-essential goals and make them of equal importance as the primary goal. 

When you have too many goals then your focus is broken. Ultimately, you will fail not only in achieving the primary goals but all the other goals too.

Rev Albert Kang

8 Reasons Why People Aren't Coming Back

As a secret shopper or mystery worshiper of churches around the country, I’ve found there are some reasons that I will tell a church I would not return for a second visit and some may be news to you. Whether I’m working with a church plant of 60 people or a mega-church of over 15,000, some things are universal and should be present regardless of church size.
Throughout this post we’ll look at actions and areas every church needs to address.

1. The Front Door

Before a guest ever steps foot on your church’s physical campus, he or she has probably already checked out your church website. 
What every church should have clearly visible on their homepage is a section or button for first-time guests. Once clicked on, this should take you to a page that addresses FAQ’s, service times, directions, parking instructions (Is there a side of the building that is better to park on if one has kids?), what to expect (upbeat music and relevant, practical, Biblical preaching in a come as you are atmosphere, etc.), what to wear (Are jeans okay? Are shorts okay?), and encouragement for them to be sure to stop by Guest Central or your church’s Information Booth to pick up a first-time guest packet.

2. What Stinks?

It’s important that no church ever underestimates the sense of smell. While sight is the strongest sense for short term memory, the sense of smell is the strongest and most vivid for long-term memories.
If you’ve ever smelled something and had memories you hadn’t thought of in years come flooding back, that’s your sense of smell in action.
Every church has the potential for positive or negative smells. Mold is a bad smell. Coffee is a good smell. Bleach is a bad smell. Citrus is a good smell. Many churches have restrooms that are disgusting and smell bad. This lack of attention to detail can be costly and discourage many from ever returning.
As best you can, try to walk into the lobby or entrance of your church with a new nose.

3. Park Here

One of Tim Stevens’ three “growth lids” that he thinks every growing church should have someone who is constantly watching is parking.
Tim says, “This is why Visitor Parking is so crucial. If it’s difficult for newcomers to go to your church, they won’t go.” Some would argue that guests want to remain anonymous and don’t want special parking.
Of course some want to go unnoticed and will choose to park in regular parking (a minority), but for the rest of newcomers, they are appreciative for a close parking space; it’s a kind gesture in an already intimidating and nerve-racking experience of attending a church for the first time, especially a large one with a huge campus.

4. This Way Parents

One way to assure guests will not return is to have a confusing, long or hard to find process for getting their kids registered and in the right classroom. Wise churches have signs for first-time guest kids’ check-in and make the process quick and painless.
Regular attendees may know to go up to the check-in kiosk and enter their phone number or swipe their card, but guests will be clueless and need a manned station that is clearly marked for guests and have a volunteer walk them through the registration. Then have that person or another helper walk you to your kid’s class explaining what will be going on and how to go about picking their kids back up. If they must have a sticker with corresponding numbers on it to get their kids, this needs to be explained to them.
Signage for the kids check-in should start in the entryway of the guest parking. Do not assume people know where to go once they enter the building.

5. Give It Away

Something subtle, but powerful is a church that has a generous spirit. Chris Hodges at Church of the Highlands in Birmingham, AL is big on this. They have a coffee shop, but they also have a designated area where people can get free coffee and not pay anything. They also give away their message CDs.
Too many churches charge for everything and wonder why no one buys CDs of the message. If you want to bless people and create a generous spirit throughout your church, give away free coffee and message CDs (and other surprises throughout the year).
Chris Hodges will have ice cream trucks pull up outside the church doors and give away free ice cream to congregants leaving on a hot, summer day.

6. Security Counts

One issue that is huge to a secret shopper and visiting families is security. If a parent is worried about their child’s safety, they will not enjoy the service and will likely not return.
A children’s classroom must be clean, safe and secure. Security also includes the check-out process. If anyone can walk into a classroom and pick up a kid, you’re asking for trouble and will turn off potential newcomers. It’s important that your kids’ volunteers are trained well and know to ask for the parent’s sticker when picking up their kids.
This is vital and goes a long way to ensuring a tragedy doesn’t occur and a parent has peace of mind.

7. The Visible Pastor

Accessibility of the senior pastor is another subtle and powerful statement of a church. Even pastors of the largest churches in America make an intentional and strategic effort to be seen, greeted and hugged after a service. They may have a body guard present for security reasons, but they are available and willing to pray with people that need to speak to their pastor.
Some churches have a designated “Guest Central”, like Steve Stroope at Lake Pointe in Rockwall, TX or Brady Body at New Life in Colorado Springs. Some have a “Meet and Greet” like Charles Hill in Utah. Some pastors stand down at the altar and meet and pray with people like Kevin Myers at 12Stone in Atlanta. Some walk around the campus shaking hands like Don Wilson at Christ’s Church of the Valley in Phoenix.
Erwin McManus at Mosaic LA has an “After Party”, at which the pastor is present and available to meet with newcomers. This, especially in a large church, goes a long way toward countering the rock star or unavailable pastor stigma that so many guests walk into the church expecting.

8. Finish Strong

It’s simply not enough for greeters and parking lot attendants to say “Hello” or “Welcome” when one walks into their church. To go to another level, have your first impressions team stationed at their posts when the service ends to say “Goodbye” or “Have a nice week”.
This goes a long way to wrapping a bow around the entire morning experience and will send them off with a lasting positive impression.
Do these 8 things and you’ll see a greater return and higher percentage of second and third-time guests.

About the writer: Greg Atkinson has been writing, speaking and training Church leaders since 2000. In late 2003, Greg launched MultisensoryWorship.com (mSw) – a website geared to encourage, network, resource, and equip Christian pastors, media ministers, artists and worship leaders – after having served the previous 11 years as a worship pastor himself in the Carolinas and Washington DC. Greg produced ARC’s online church planter training (http://churchplanter.tv/) and now travels the country as a secret shopper/mystery worshiper for churches of all sizes. Find out more about Greg's ministry here: http://worshipimpressions.com.
More from Greg Atkinson or visit Greg at www.gregatkinson.com/